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Miyerkules, Mayo 7, 2014

Mommy guilt

I am a mom of 2 lovely girls, Ate Kyla going 8 years old and baby niela 5 mos.


this is ate kyla - she is turning 8 yrs old this july
picture taken last march 2014 - she was one of the flower girls @ my cousin's wedding


this is niela - she was 2 mos old when this picture was taken

  I love my 2 girls so much and like any other moms I'd like to give them the best.

I never thought that more than the expenses it is harder to divide your attention to your children in a way that they would'nt think you are being unfair! This is my biggest dilemma now a days. Paano ko kaya hahatiin yung time ko ke ate at ke baby na in a way I will be fair to them? It honestly makes me feel guilty whenever I'd give more time to niela than to ate.

It has been my fear to have another child since the day I gave birth to Ate kyla. Aside from the painful labor and pushing natatakot akong magmahal ng iba, natatakot ako kasi baka maging unfair ako sa 2nd child ko thinking I will only love Ate Kyla and thinking about having another child scares me.

Lagi kong sinasabi na ayoko na magkaron ng bagong baby kasi kawawa si ate kyla. I would always say I will love Ate kyla more than new babies we will have, pero hindi pala ganun yun noh? hindi pwedeng meron kang mas love, hindi pwedeng hindi fair. Pantay pala sya, you will love your new baby like how you love your firstborn.

When niela came, I was like a new mom - same feeling! same excitement! Para akong bagong nanay!

I never thought i'd love her like how I love ate kyla pero I feel guilty most of the time kasi madalas mas focus ako ke niela because she needs more attention at this time - there were days na di ko na gaanong naasikaso si ate.

* I feel guilty kasi minsan makikita ko nalang mahaba na pala yung kuko nya - dati I have all the time in the world pero now kasi busy lang at madalas ke niela nakafocus. I'm sorry ate I may not have all the time to take care of you pero I love you so much kahit na madalas matigas ang ulo mo.

* I feel guilty kasi pag pagod na ko I don't get to read books to her na - like what we always do before

* I feel guilty kasi when we sleep naka harap na ko ke niela hindi na sa kanya! so when I have time pag tulog si niela at nanjan si didi I make sure na mag bobonding kami ni ate kyla

and most of all

 * I feel guilty kasi mas marami akong time ke niela kesa kay ate

but i remember one time I asked ate kyla - "Hindi ka ba nagseselos ke niela?" ate said "No, kasi mahal na mahal ko sya e"

buti nalang ate kyla is old enough na to have another sibling - at buti nalang din she understands everything and she is not jealous about niela.

What about you mommies did you ever feel the same?

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